I have been thinking for a long time that not being able to fully devote ourselves to something is a crime, that it creates invisible violence and gradually distances us from our humanity. I think about this the most when I am among people who cannot give themselves to someone else, who start shouting at themselves without even bothering to ask how they are doing, and who blame you again when they realize that they have accidentally exhausted you.

Life demands so much from all of us. You can’t get enough of anything, you can’t keep up with anything. But whatever happens, if you don’t want the other person to pass by without stopping by, you have to shout yourself out: I’m too busy. I’m so busy. I work until the morning. You have to say. Without getting tired.

You need to detail it in such a colorful way and embellish it with different data that it eventually creates a transparent layer around you. And now, as soon as people look at you, they should understand how busy you are and what important work you do. And how you don’t have time for anything.

What if you are a secretive person when it comes to explaining yourself, or if you do not have the skills to explain yourself? At this point, I have only one thing to say to you, my dear friend. Unfortunately, this is not enough for you: I’m thinking.

For example, I think of you and our humanity. When you tell me your problem, I give myself to you with all my ten fingers, my love, and my invisible sensitivities. I focus. Oh, if you only knew how tired this makes me. But of course I’m not saying that. I’m so busy thinking. I wish you would give yourself enough to understand what I say without saying it. To my one word, to my silence…

If you don’t ask, I will continue to remain silent. I have a lot to say about myself. But I keep silent so as not to invade you, because I respect you and know the importance of your time. However, you think I don’t exist with my silence. Do I have to leave myself in your arms like a television series, a text written very clearly and clearly, without any metaphors or mediations? Can’t you take me as I am, into your arms?

I’m very sleepy. I can’t stop writing and reading. But most of all, I get tired of watching and thinking about the details. There’s a pile of things I need to do in a hurry. I gave too much of myself to you so that I wouldn’t feel inadequate. So that you don’t hear my lack and my rush.

Of course, while listening to you, I also had some expectation of being understood. But not only that. Giving myself to you means giving you something that I have. If my love remains within myself, it will surround my soul. This love belongs to you. The arrow definitely wants to hit its target. Even if I’m this busy. I will listen to you. And I want you to understand that just by listening for this long, I have given you something very valuable from myself.

Seconds and minutes go by… Ultimately, I continue to do what you want from me. By melting. It’s your problem. Trying to give you all the words you want. Can’t agree? You are not. You want something else. I am not in a position to create a new word from every letter of the alphabet, but I am trying patiently. Understand, this is my version of being me. Yes, I tried to push all the possibilities of my words towards you.

What did I do with the gold? Do I have to draw it for you to understand what I’m doing?

The one who is always right is often right because he believes that he has the right to be right within himself. Someone who is defeated is told ‘no, you misunderstood’. Did I hurt you? Can something like this make a difference? Are you offended? He will see it and get angry at you again. You have taken away his role as ‘the one who has violated the right’, and you have done him an injustice. This is the most he expects from you. As much as he gives himself to you.

When I was a child, I thought loneliness was a punishment. I would feel guilty. I couldn’t get rid of the gears of loneliness that always keep a person in himself, confine him to himself, and always grind him in without throwing him out of the wheel. Over the years I have come to realize that solitude is a form of appreciation. I must have committed a huge crime for being exposed to such ‘invisible violence’.

I have always witnessed that those who know loneliness develop a great ability to give themselves to others. I tried to relieve this feeling of guilt by always giving myself to others, by giving very, very much. This was actually the need for connection. I thought that when I dissolved myself in others, I would be connected by them. In return for the crimes I did not commit.

That’s why I always remained guilty. If you have experienced the feeling of guilt before committing a crime, it becomes increasingly difficult to forgive yourself later. Man makes the feeling of guilt so much his own, that he sanctifies it and makes it his own, that he makes his own guilt independent of God. However, there is nothing independent of Him. You will understand in later years.

When you approach this point of faith, you will feel that you can only be ‘forgiven’ by Him. You can only seek refuge in His mercy. You will gradually become free of unnecessary burdens and self-sanctifying debris.

And you will no longer feel inadequacy or guilty towards those who want you as a ready meal, only when they are hungry. Oh, I wish the eternity between you and me had kept you in me, just a little bit longer.